To All The People That Have Had A Broken Heart

To All The People That Have Had A Broken Heart

I recently met someone in another city at a film festival. That first second of eye contact opened a connection that was powerful and pure. I had just met the most genuine and sincere woman  I had ever known. She was beautiful and yet not even a hint of arrogance or an expectation that I should acknowledge her beauty. For her, being beautiful was as natural and reliable as breathing. I asked her for her phone number and was pleasantly shocked that she gave me her number and email address.

She said that she sometimes visits my city. I asked if we could have lunch the next time she came to Seattle. She suggested dinner. Later I emailed her once and phoned her once. I received positive responses on both attempts, but no detailed plans for a rendezvous.  I never received another response from her to an email or phone call. My attempts at being mature were nothing more than hiding from others that I had a broken heart. I vowed to never love again. 

A Willingness To Love

When you bang your shin or bump your elbow hard you want to protect it so that it can heal. Protecting an injury is a natural reaction. But a broken heart is much more intimate. It leaves you feeling more vulnerable to reinjury than a broken arm. So sometimes we continue protecting our hearts long after they have needed protection. The paradox is that the longer we protect our hearts the longer it remains injured. Hearts only heal when they are used, or there is at least a willingness to use them.  

The willingness to risk your heart when it is still hurting takes courage. Some would say foolishness. Fortunately, or unfortunately, both love and courage come from the heart. And this isn’t about just romantic love. It is also about compassionate love. Some people spend a lifetime not feeling compassion for others because of the fear of how much pain compassion could cost. And those who can’t feel compassion for others, don’t know how to receive compassion from others. This is a terribly lonely life no matter how many spouses or lovers they have. 

More Than Survive

I am trying to not sound like “Get back up on that horse,” but if you like the feeling of loving, then protecting your heart is preventing you from achieving what you want. And if you think feeling compassion is dangerous, then you are like a person that is dying of thirst while praying that rain won’t fall because you are too fragile. Giving compassion is life-giving, not life destroying. Choosing to heal a broken heart rather than lock it away in some kind of armor makes the heart stronger. 

I don’t know if I will ever meet another person that is attractive and available. But I will not let the pain stop me from being open. I will do more than survive! I will love.

Douglas R Pitts is a mental health counselor in a Washington State prison and author of the book “144 Aphorisms.”

The opinions stated in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the Washington State Department of Corrections.